Date: Wednesday, August 20, 2025
Mood: Eclipsed
Music: Father and Son by Cat Stevens
Dear Richard,
Sarah is visiting this week. She’s having trouble with her own marriage, and she’s been quiet, withdrawn.
I was walking past the den tonight and I heard voices.
"I just don't know what to do," Sarah was crying. "I feel so alone."
"You should talk to your dad," Levi said gently. "He loves you, bear. He’s been through a divorce. He understands this better than anyone."
I stopped outside the door. I waited for her to say yes. I waited for her to come find me.
"I can't," she sniffled. "He... he gets that look in his eyes. The 'Tortured Artist' look. He goes inward. If I tell him I’m hurting, he’ll make it about his own pain. He always does."
I felt the blood drain from my face.
"He tries," Levi said, defending me. "He loves you."
"I know," Sarah said. "But you’re here. You’re actually listening. Can I just... can I just talk to you, Dad?"
She called him Dad.
I listened to Levi shift on the couch. I heard the rustle of him hugging her. "Of course," he said. "I’m right here. Tell me everything."
I slid down the wall in the hallway.
She’s right. I am emotionally unavailable. I spent so much of my energy mourning you, and mourning the family we almost had, that I checked out of the family I actually have.
Levi stepped in. He didn't try to steal them from me. He tried to push them toward me. But when I wasn't there to catch them, he did.
He’s a better father than I am, Richard. Not because he loves them more, but because his heart isn't divided.
I’m glad he’s here for her. But God, it hurts to know that my grief has made me a stranger to my own daughter.
Love always,
Taylor